Stalking
By Debbie “TNT” Kirk
If only I could get someone to pay me money for my highly advanced stalking skills. There has to be some practical uses for them. God, who knew that when I made a decision to write full time I was basically making a choice to become a shut in. Last night I had a dream about Blag from the Dwarves AND Jack Black. I was so fucking pissed when I woke up. It’s not like I don’t still have plenty o babes hitting on me and shit. Its just that after everything that has happened, I just really don’t give a shit. I try to be interested in guys and I just see it as a waste of my time and a distraction from my writing. I think Austin supposedly has like some of the best looking people here in the world. But I look at a guy now and pick him apart before he even has a chance to stand up. I’m way too hot to be the old lady with a thousand cats, but I think that’s prolly what will happen.
Also in the arena of stalking, I found out on pretty good authority that Ian Mackaye from Minor Threat just bought a house in Toledo Ohio. Perfectly good stalking material but nooooooooo, he had to wait until I had left. There have been a few sightings of Crispin Glover around town lately. I will tell you this. If I run into fucking Crispin there will be no stalking involved. It will be a full on attack and I will finally get one of those precious restraining orders that I’ve been working on so hard. The whole Jack Black thing is kinda insane (look who we are talking about) (by we I mean me). Usually celebrity crushes just last like a couple of weeks. Its been like a goddamn year now. I wish I at least had a fucking email addy for him, its just ridiculous that these people can be all hot and charming and then we PROTECT their right to privacy. I mean, what the fuck is that? He fucking wants stalkers and we all goddamn well know so. Here’s a pic that I put next to the one of me and Nick Cave. http://img.coxnewsweb.com/C/07/66/94/image_194667.jpg I guess in a lot of ways I’m still a 15 year old boy. But from where I see it right now, anything is better than being the 31 year old “lady” that I am. Guys, send me some stalking ideas or experiences...
Here’s some poetry and shit. You guys remember, a restraining order only shows you are dedicated….
Debbie
To the Editor of a weekly online ‘zine (but I ain’t naming any names)
So there is a weekly magazine
that comes out online
and I aint naming any names or anything
but
in this weeks issue there were two
very different
love-esque poems that had been written
specifically for me
by
two different guys.
And I am the vain one
even tho you know this poem is about you
neither one of them
anywhere near
good enough
to be
fucked up in any way
over a dirty little girl like me
with angel wings
and horns
So I think I’m gonna write a letter
to the editor
of this weekly online zine
and I ain’t naming any names or nuthin’
but I’d like to let everyone know
these glimpses that you have seen of me
are when I’m on my tippey toes
And the red dragon
Is knocked out on pills
and Pippi Longstockings
would beat the shit out of Peter Pan any ole day
Because none of you could really see me
way down here
I’m not misunderstood
and
I don’t paint my nails black
and I would beat the hell out of Morrisey
in a dark alley
But you will only see me
when I let you
when I make it up that way
And it ain’t so often these days
as I have a compulsion
to go down
instead
of up.
King James Virgin
I had this clever idea
That I would write up a book review
Of the bible
For a zine
That I would sell copies
Signed by the authors on ebay
Call it a sci-fi thriller
And
A real bodice ripper
the idea lost its novelty
when I remembered that
not only did I leave that book in my locker
but jj is right when he says
I think im funny
When I’m not
Screw it.
For my Rabbit
Sitting in my shack
Babydoll sits to my left in the
Only window in the room.
She sometimes wags her tail in my way
When I’m writing
And it used to piss me off.
Until I figured out that she was my muse.
The cat behind the real pussy.
Love is a gamble
And I can’t love anyone
But one time I climbed up a tree
In a thunderstorm
To get that damn cat.
I don’t know how old I am in cat years
But I’m willing to bet
Babydoll and I will go together.
don't miss Debbie's new book ---> I Hit Like a Girl
Debbie Kirk
